Welcome everyone! Welcome to a land of excitement and adventure! And…danger?!
In this game, you must choose wisely (or foolishly in some cases) in order to avoid DOOM and DESTRUCTION!
Instructions (PLEASE READ)
For each short reading, there will be multiple options you may choose. Select an option with a number that matches the one on the reading.
I spent hours on this CYOA. Please leave a “
” if you enjoy!
If you find any errors, please do let me know!
This is taking a lot longer than I thought so I am just releasing one of the four parts now.
(1) Are you ready, adventurer?
(1) Yeah!
(2) It was a beautiful day in the land of swordbattle. The sun was shining, the grass was greener than ever, and the birds were chirping. There’s a player standing in the center, and…oh wait, that’s you! Your name was…
(2) SussyBalls
(3) Your name was…SussyBalls? A little goofy, but that’s whatever. You’re going to set out on an ADVENTURE! An awesome journey filled with magic and monsters!
(3) YEAH!
Anyway, enough chitchat. Let’s get down to business. There are four directions you may choose to travel in. To the east is the Great Forest of Li’kóma Bóhlse. To the north is the freezing glacial wasteland known as Yür Móhm. To the south is arid Plains of Nho Yü. And lastly, to the west is the tropical region, Ah-móghus. Unfortunately, you can only travel north right now, because I’m still working on the other ones.
(4) In which direction will you travel?
(4) North
(5) You decide to head north, to the freezing hellhole where everyone is miserable. Congratulations? Anyways, you start walking. After about five minutes of walking, you realize that you have literally nothing except for the clothes on your back, the sword in your hands, and the burlap bag, which is also located conveniently on your back, in case you were wondering. What do you do?
(5) Search for food and water
(6) You start to search for food and water, but then realize the chances of conveniently finding food and water laying in packaged boxes and bottles are very low. What, specifically, do you want to do?
(6) Hunt animals for food
(7) You find a deer that’s standing still! And you stab it and steal its flesh! And eat it!
(7) ...What?
(8) You continue along the path. Oh yeah, you found and drank some water, too, but it happened off camera. Anyway, it’s too dark to continue now. What do you do?
(8) Sleep
You sleep inside a tent that was conviently placed there, and awake well-rested and ready to seize the day. Refreshing!
You decide to continue on your journey straightaway.
After a long time of traveling, the air starts to freeze around you. You feel goosebumps crawling up your arms. Suddenly, you look up and see a massive fortress made of ice in front of you. That definitely wasn’t there a few seconds ago…weird.
(9) A guard at the front gate says, “My name is Korbreeto, the esteemed homophobe. To pass these gates, you must answer my riddle,” he continues, “What is 2+2?”
(9) Four
(10) He smiles widely, but it reminds you of a wolf’s smile. Anyways, he lets you in to the castle. You are now standing in a vast, open area. Lots of buildings everywhere! People are bustling here and there. A hooded figure approaches you. He says, “My name is ColoredHue. Come see me in my stall in the market,” then disappears into thin air. Where should you go?
(10) The Market Square
(11) You decide to follow a random sketchy stranger into a foreign land who you just met. Did your mother teach you nothing? Anyways, you spot his stall where he said it would be. The merchant grins widely. “Listen up,” he says, “The only way to defeat the Warlord is to uncover the Legendary Sword of Awesomeness and Also Extreme Plot Significance. I hear it lies in a stone to the holy stone mountain.” Wowza! This is definitely not an extremely cliché plot trope!
(11) Go to the holy stone mountain
(12) You arrive at the holy stone mountain, after some traveling (which you do off camera). There are now three holy stones before you, each with an idental sword embedded within them. A sign next to the stones reads, “Choose wisely or DesertShadow will are die you.” Huh. Anyways, which one do you choose?
(12) The first one
A voice from the walls booms, “Wrong! Hydrochloric Acid!” Then a hidden trapdoor drops you into a vat of hydrochloric acid. You scream as your flesh melts, and you writhe in agony for hours until you finally expire. DEATH 6
(12) The second one
A voice from the walls booms, “My main goal, is to blow up.” Then apparently, he blows up. Unfortunately, you also blow up. Oh well. At least he achieved his main goal. DEATH 7
(12) The second second one
(13) You place your hand on the sword and wince in anticipation…but nothing happens. You open your eyes and pull out the sword. It glows, as Legendary Swords of Extreme Plot Significance do.
(13) Hooray!
(14) You head back to the village. Now that you have the Legendary Sword of Awesomeness and Also Extreme Plot Significance, you can fight the Warlord Glacion! Are you ready?
(14) Yes
(15) You are now fighting the Warlord Glacion, king of the Wasteland. What is your move?
(15) Jab
You quickly attack with a swift jab to the upper chest region. The sword of Plot Significance, due to its amazing powers, manages to pierce him! The End. Congrats. There is much more to come, as this is only one of the four paths that I plan to create. Note that if you were not featured, you will most likely be featured in one of the other paths.
(15) Charge
You attempt to charge, but you are quickly struck down. Oh well. DEATH 10
(15) Run
You try to run, but you are immediately killed. DEATH 9
(14) No
Due to the never ending apathy of your own self-doubt, you never truly build up enough courage to confront your fears and attack the Warlord. Eventually, you die of old age. DEATH 8
(11) Fight the Warlord now
You open the door, and immediately die because you did not possess the Legendary Sword of Awesomeness and Also Extreme Plot Significance. DEATH 5
(10) The Warlord's Chambers
(11) You approach the giant building, instantly regretting your decision. You should probably go back and obtain better equipment before fighting the final boss of this game.
(11) Ok, I'll go back to prompt (10)
Good.
(11) no
You open the door, and immediately die because you did not possess the Legendary Sword of Awesomeness and Also Extreme Plot Significance. DEATH 5
(9) 420
The guard stares at you blankly. Then he grumbles, “Oh brother, this guy stinks!” Then he splits you in twain. DEATH 5
(8) Don't sleep
You decide not to sleep, and to continue walking, and eventually pass out from exhaustion. Crows feed on your corpse and your remains are not found until F1NN discovers them some 69 years later. DEATH 4
(6) Hunt water for water
(7) You decide to hunt water for water. Fortunately, there is a conveniently placed puddle of Dasani® UltraQuench™ water on the ground! Unfortunately, you have no means to take it with you right now. Oh well! Time to go!
(7) Bruh
You died after a little bit of walking, because you had no food or water. Better luck next time! DEATH 3
(5) Attempt murder
(6) You decide, like any rational human being, to commit a felony. And oh joy, look! You spot some unsuspecting travelers on the road ahead! Which helpless innocent do you want to brutally massacre?
(6) The Big One
(7) You sneak up behind them, crouching stealthily, just like your grandma taught you. Closer…closer…NOW! You swing your sword with as much strength as you can muster…and…and…
(7) And???
…And your sword just glances off the hulking figure’s rippling muscles. Turns out it was Doomslayer. Seriously, why did you attack the most obviously strong person? Anyway, he turns around and rips you in half like it’s nothing. Then he blows a massive hole in Mars with a giant laser he found conviently nearby. DEATH 1
(6) The Not Big One
(7) You sneak up behind them, crouching stealthily, just like your grandma taught you. Closer…closer…NOW! You swing your sword with as much strength as you can muster…and…and…
(7) And???
(8) …And your sword finds flesh! Hooray! Your victim shrieks in agony as you twist your blade, in order to cause as much pain as possible before their cruel death. You get a glimpse of his face as he falls to the ground, and turns out it was FwipyFishy! His friend, alerted by the noise, lumbers over to face you. What do you do?
(8) Kill Him As Well! Huzzah!
You swing your sword at the massive figure, but it just glances off the rippling muscles. Turns out it was Doomslayer. Seriously, why did you attack this obviously strong person? Anyway, he turns around and rips you in half like it’s nothing. Then he blows a massive hole in Mars with a giant laser he found conviently nearby. DEATH 1
(8) Run away, like a little coward!
(9) You decide to run away at this point, having successfully completed your goal of taking a human life. His friend bellows in agony and grief as you scamper away like a sadistic hamster.
(9) Yay!
You head back to the trail to continue along your journey. However, you immediately starve to death. Y’know, I’ve heard of karma, but I never thought it would come so fast! DEATH 2
(5) Untitled choice
Insert text here. No, actually, why did you pick this? Go back. NOW!
(4) East
You decide to head east into the great forest of Li’kóma Bóhlse. You’ve heard that a lot of pleasant things happen there. THIS PATH IS NOT YET COMPLETED. DO NOT CONTINUE. THIS IS NOT PART OF THE STORY YET.
(5) After a short while of walking, you encounter a large arena. A lot of noise is coming from it! What do you do?
(5) Check it out
You walk into the arena, straight into the sandy fray, and the crowd roars. At the top of the arena, a holographic image grins widely. “My name’s Hamm, and it looks like we got a new contestant, folks!” he cackles wildly. “Let’s see how long you can last in my great notforumbutactuallyreallife battle!”
A gate on the far side of the arena opens, and a giant beast appears. A loud thud shakes the ground as a crate falls from the sky next to you. When you examine it closer, you notice it’s filled with swords. “Take your pick! …But you better choose fast!”
You look up, and see that the beast is fast approaching! Yikes!
(6) Which sword do you choose??
(6) The Sharp One
(7)You pick up the shapest looking sword, and when you look up, the beast is upon you! You swing your sword, and…
(7) And??
And the sword is so sharp it cuts itself in half mid-swing. The beast’s claws sink into you as you ponder why you played this crappy CYOA. DEATH 11
(6) The Big One
You try to swing the giant sword, but you’re not an anime protagonist, and this is real life, so you can’t even lift it off the ground. The beast’s claws sink into you as you wonder why you’re not playing swordbattle. DEATH 12
(6) The Crappy One
You pick up the worst sword you can find, and before you can even get the chance to wield it, the beast flees because of your plot armor you just acquired because I said so! How convenient!
(7) “Ugh. I guess you win,” Hamm says, “Here, have this 0.0001% off coupon for Subway. And a used tissue.”
(7) Thanks!
You exit the arena, feeling proud of yourself. Now then, back to the journey. You head back to the trail and start walking. And after a while, hey! There’s a subway! You use your coupon, and get a subway sandwich, which will definitely sustain you for the duration of this journey.
(8) After a while, you notice more and more trees all around the trail. Eventually, you’ve entered the forest! Wow!
(8) Next
After a little more walking, you notice bee nests on some trees nearby. A loud buzzing is instantly upon you. A giant bee is standing before you. “They call me Bee,” it says. “Because I’m a bee.”
“Okay,” you say, not sure how to respond.
(9) “Oh yeah, and you gotta like, solve this riddle and stuff. Yeah.” Bee buzzes, “What is 6+9?”
(9) 69
“Like, are you dumb or something?” Bee grumbles, then decapitates you. DEATH 13
(9) 15
(10) “Nice work,” Bee buzzes happily, then buzzes away. The bees around you clear, allowing you to pass through. Nice!
(10) Now back to the trail...
After walking in the forest for awhile, you finally find the hidden city of Sugoma. As you walk through the gates, you notice there is a lack of people. No one is around, and you even see some fires around. Something is obviously wrong here.
Suddenly, a giant mech shakes the ground when it does a superhero-esque landing right in front of you. “TERMINATION PROTOCOL ENGAGED,” the truly fabulous corn mech beeps, then CHARGES at you!
(11) What do you do??
(11) Throw a piece of bread at it!!
You throw a piece of bread at it, which bounces off harmlessly. The mech impales you with a corn missile. DEATH 13
(11) Throw a toucan at it!!
You throw a toucan at it. The toucan says, “You suck lol,” before flying away. The mech impales you with a corn missile. DEATH 13
(11) Throw a sword at it!!
You throw your sword at it, similar to how it might be thrown in-game. And wow! You win, because you threw an acutual weapon! And since everyone else is dead, you have your own city now! You WIN this path! Comment “JOE” to get a prize!
(8) Not Next
You decide to discontinue yourself. DEATH 12
(5) Just keep walking
(6) You keep walking for what seems like hours. Eventually, you die of boredom. And ligma.
(6) What's ligma?
Ligma BALLS! Ha! GOTEEM!! DEATH 11
(4) South
Unfortunately, you can only travel north or east right now, because I’m still working on the other ones.
(4) West
Unfortunately, you can only travel north or east right now, because I’m still working on the other ones.
